Jamal Crawford made a layup off a steal and put the Warriors up with 1.6 seconds left. The Thunder, predictably, called a timeout... As we stood in the stands, amongst thousands of other Warrior fans, yelling and screaming with excitement, I felt something funny in my gut. We had some Vietnamese food before the game, and I pooped right after we ate, then again when we got to Oracle Arena... so I just figured it was the boneless BBQ chicken with all that cock sauce (aka Sriracha hot sauce) that was making my stomach feel all funkdafied, and shrugged it off. But little did I know...
The ref blew the whistle, signaling not only the end of the timeout, but that something more prophetic was about to take place. Apparently, Jeff Green not only plays basketball, but also he also practices divination. This motherfucker hit a turnaround jumper from the elbow of the key... and banked it off the glass to win the game by 1. That shot went up, and I thought there was no way that shit was going in, it was either gonna airball or clank off the back of the rim... OH NO.. it sure somehow found its way through the net. It went up in the air, looking super retarded, but astonishingly bounced off the glass doing its best Stuart impression, as if to say "Look what I can do!," and made a miracle happen. bullshit.
so yes, that funky feeling in my stomach during the timeout... was not because I had to poop for the 3rd time in 2 hours... but it was because God had sent a messenger in the form of an Oklahoma City basketball player wearing # 22, his message:
"OMG Tom, the Warriors might actually win this one..... SSSSIIIIIIIKKKKKKKEEEEEEE!"
good one, God. joke's on me. then we went outside and it was pouring... and we had to walk to BART to take the train home. nothing like walking half a mile in the rain after a Warrior's loss..
oh wait, yes there is. I stepped in a huge puddle and my socks were wet the whole BART ride home. whoopie.
this morning, I woke up with with a huge zit-like formation on my chin. I got out of the shower, and the shit was pussy.. as in filled with puss.. not a vagina reference, you perverts. it since has decided to swell up. the advice nurse from Kaiser recommended I come in to get it checked out in case its a bite or possibly, a staph infection. freakin sweet... I really need to stop washing my face with the sweat from camel balls.
I hope Wal Mart did a roll back on Jack Links Sweet & Hot beef jerky this week, because I feel like Whitney Houston on a bad day in need of some crack to uplift her spirits.
5 o'clock update: Dr. said there's nothing to worry about, but he swabbed the infestation and sent it down to the lab anyway. he also recommended that i use an antibacterial soap, he think "maybe" i cut myself shaving and the pore got infected. first of all, i never shave my chin, i only trim it... second of all, im not sure if thats exactly what he said because his head was in his ass, and he was talking out of it. so my options are this point are:
a) find a new soap; preferably antibacterial
b) find a new Dr.; preferably one who knows definites, not "possibilities"
c) deal with it, and take couple shots of jack next time
all of the above doesn't sound so bad either. but im thinkin a) and b) can wait...c) however, is a urgent matter that requires immediate attention.
No comments:
Post a Comment